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"When we acknowledge a child's feelings, we give him health and strength"
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlich


Judy Bar Eitan

Judy Bar Eitan, MSc (mother of six) with over two decades of successful parenting counseling, is available to help you and your family to relieve the stress and anxiety often experienced by parents and children.

Impulsive Parenting

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"Parenting cannot be impulsive," writes Tracey Shipley in the Jerusalem Post. As a therapist who counsels teens, young adults, and parents, Tracey wrote an informative article on the importance of building self-esteem in our children. This idea that parenting cannot be impulsive, resonated deeply within me.

For years I have been telling parents to learn the skills! Pre-empt a behavior problem by talking it over with your child! Don't name call! Don't label your child! Use problem solving to help guide a child! All these skills are fantastic but somehow I never realized what I have been saying all along is "Parenting cannot be impulsive."

The definition of impulsive is characterized by actions based on sudden desires, whims, or inclinations rather than careful thought. Synonyms of the word impulsive are offhand, hasty, quick, automatic. Antonyms of impulsive are calm, deliberate, planned, sensible. So what do we want to be when we are with our children? Do we want to react automatically in an offhand, hasty way? Or do we want to react calmly and sensibly when confronted with the challenges of parenting our children? No one can be calm and deliberate 100% of the time. Parents are on the firing line 24/7! It is so not easy when we have to make decisions all day long on how to handle the next situation. However, being present is the best gift we can give our child.

I believe if we are aware our goal is to be a sensible and caring parent, we can do it most of the time. Many times we do need to act quickly. That's why we must deliberate when we are not in the middle of a situation or crisis. We must take the time to think "What kind of a parent do I want to be?" I often tell clients to think of yourself as being on TV, see yourself as if from above, see the choices you have. So many times we become personally affronted by our child's poor behavior. We react impulsively,becoming defensive and say things we regret.

Remember, even when our children are adults we are still the older and hopefully wiser person in the relationship. As Dr. Haim Ginott says "It's important not to let a child decide the parent's response or mood."

Why it's Not OK to Say "OK??"
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Saturday, 15 December 2018

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